The meeting starts. I’m introduced as the subject matter expert. A few minutes later someone repeats it, just to be clear. Then the first question comes, and it goes straight to the man sitting next to me
If you’re a woman in construction, there’s a good chance you’ve been in that meeting too.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been overlooked, ignored or simply not spoken to directly. I’ve often been the only woman in the room, and the only person from an ethnic minority background. I’ve had men comment on how pretty I am, or tell me I look different in real life than I do on Teams. None of my male colleagues has ever had to deal with that.
I lead a large infrastructure programme involving data centres and energy infrastructure, and I know my stuff. I have a solid grip on the risks, the cost and the commercial position, because that’s what gets things delivered. But it took me a while to accept that technical capability doesn’t automatically get you heard, trusted or recognised. Connection and communication shape our projects and our careers just as much. For women in this industry, that’s often where the real barriers are.
Saying it isn’t the same as getting through
Think about the last progress meeting you sat through. Every item was discussed and every action got an owner, yet everyone probably left with a slightly different idea of what was agreed. Two weeks later, the same issue is back on the agenda.
That happens because we treat saying something as if it were communicating it. The email went out, the update was in the report, the instruction was given. As the Association for Project Management (APM)[MJ1.1] puts it, information is giving out; communication is getting through.
My test is simple: did the person do what I needed, and how did they feel about doing it? Ask a site team to re-sequence works and you’ll probably get the re-sequencing. Explain which critical interface it protects and what a delay could cost, and you’re far more likely to get someone spotting the knock-on issue before it turns into a variation. That’s the difference between an instruction and real communication, and it’s how you build trust, visibility and influence.
There’s a catch, though. Getting through depends on the listener as much as the speaker. When the questions go to the man next to you, it doesn’t matter how clearly you’ve explained yourself. Your message is being filtered before it even arrives.
The conversations you’re not in
Connection is how things really get done in our industry. The person who solved your problem last year is now on another package or with another contractor, and if you know them, one phone call saves you three weeks. Teams where people know and trust each other are also the ones where someone will say “I’m not sure this works” or “I got that wrong”. That honesty is where better ideas come from, and it’s what stops a whole room nodding along to a bad plan.
But many of the conversations that shape careers don’t happen in meetings; they happen in corridors, on site and at industry events. If you’re not part of them, you miss out on visibility, sponsorship and advice, often without knowing it. Being talked over once might seem minor. Careers, though, are built from hundreds of small moments, and over time those moments decide who gets seen as a leader.
Stubbornness, and the people who helped
So what helped me?
Honestly, stubbornness.
All those small moments built up until I reached the point where I thought ‘I’m not dealing with this anymore’.
Along the way I crossed paths with people who helped me turn that frustration into something useful. They showed me how to hold my ground, take up space and make myself heard in rooms where women usually aren’t.
A lot of that came through APM. I’ve been involved with the Women in Project Management Interest Network for over two years, leading its marketing and communications. I also volunteer with the Built Environment Interest Network. I signed up to give my time. What I got back, above all, was confidence in my own voice.
Numbers aren’t the point
Stories like mine are why I don’t think diversity is a numbers game. Recruiting more women and people from under-represented backgrounds matters, but it isn’t the finish line. Equality gives people access to opportunities. Inclusion decides whether they can actually use them.
You can test that on your own project this week. Does flexible working support progression, or carry an unspoken penalty? Who leads the client meetings? Does the PPE actually fit? Can people challenge a decision without being labelled difficult? When someone puts forward a good idea, who gets the credit?
These aren’t abstract DEI questions. They’re project questions. When everyone can be heard, you get everyone’s thinking, not just that of the people who already fit the mould.
What you can do on Monday
Nobody should have to rely on stubbornness to be heard. If you’re in a position to help, start small. Direct the question to the expert, whoever they are. Put someone’s name forward. Give them the client presentation instead of the minutes. Encourage them to apply for the role they don’t think they’re ready for. These are small decisions, but they change careers.
Because doing the job well matters. But making sure the right person gets heard in that room is part of the job too.
If you want to keep the conversation going, I hope you’ll join us at the APM Women in Project Management Conference, ‘Connection to Action’, in London on 7–8 October. I’m attending the Connection to Action Lab on 7 October and speaking at the conference on 8 October. I’d love to hear how you’ve dealt with that meeting.
Amrin Majid is a Senior Project Manager and Marketing Lead for the APM Women in Project Management Interest Network and APM Built Environment Interest Network.
